seekasiseek: (Starscream - Super mode unamused.)
You'd think it would be easy to ignore pain. Any kind of pain. But it isn't. Not when you're constantly reminded by the one who causes it that you're weak and insignificant. First and foremost, I don't want nor need anyone's pity. Never ever. Megatron of all mechs knows I don't want it. But he also knows how to get under my skin, as humans would say. Degrading, condescending and utter disregard for his men are what made me want nothing more than to be rid of Megatron for good. More often than not, my desire for this would get the best of me and I'd slip. I'd challenge him while blinded by anger. Each time I fought, I'd be overpowered and taken down like a Youngling again.

The one thing I've never admitted to in all this was how much it hurt knowing that I didn't have what it took to bring him down on my own. No matter how often I tried, with or without the Star Saber sword, with or without Minicons or even if I had help from Demolishor, Cyclonus, Sidesways, Thrust or Tidal Wave. None of that would have really mattered if Megatron had been in a particularly foul mood. On more than one occasion I'd found myself beaten within inches of my life for something that went wrong in his eyes, and I was supposedly his second in command! Hardly a real title considering how little regard he had for anyone.

But what hurt even more than all of this was when I betrayed my friends in the Autobots. The children worked so hard to help me get used to being an Autobot but the look in their eyes when they saw me take the Skyboom shield with me to the Decepticons... I'm sure if they could, they would have yelled at me until they were blue in the face.

You see, I knew that it would never have worked if I stayed with the Autobots. This was proven even moreso when they initially accused me of stealing the shield before I actually did it. Hot Shot didn't seem to even trust me, in spite of how... buddy-buddy we had gotten. It hurt, yeah, but what was I to do? I couldn't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. So I'd bottled up all that pain, even from when I had been left behind for deactivated in the rain with the Star Saber.

Then there was when Thrust betrayed Megatron and tried to fragging deactivate me. I couldn't even begin to tell you how much it hurt to be blasted in the gut by the Requiem Blaster. At that time, I knew just how Smokescreen felt when Megatron blasted him with the Requiem Blaster. There seemed to have been nothing I could do to prevent it from happening, but High Wire, one of the childrens' Minicons, had somehow transported them back in time and even altered history. Don't ask, I never could figure how they could do something like that. It was even harder to explain when Swindle and I went through our color changes after battling Nemesis Prime.

So yeah, you'd think that after all this, all the pain and Sparkache and grief I'd learn something from them. I still don't know what it is I'm supposed to have learned.
seekasiseek: (Default)
I've stood trial before, not in the courts with a judge and jury sense, but in the sense that I was being watched and judged by peers. I've gone through this with both the Decepticons and the Autobots. I could understand it completely with the Autobots, I'm even willing to admit being untrustworthy to them. My only reason for joining the Autobots was to get my chance to deactivate Megatron. Of course Thrust and his cowardly ways of using others for his own means took advantage of this and convinced me to rejoin the Decepticons, but I digress. In my Spark I knew it would never work for me to stay with the Autobots. Hot Shot rightly accused me of being untrustworthy but stranger still was Optimus' reaction in not regretting anything about allowing me into their base.

I guess you could say the ultimate sentence I ever had for the mistakes I'd supposedly made had been when Megatron tried to deactivate me. In his optics, I had failed him far too many times to be granted reprieve and he wanted to make an example of me. Admittedly this may seem cruel and maybe even barbaric to humans, but in the Decepticon army, you were either deactivated by the enemy or even, in most cases, by Megatron himself.

I've always known deactivation was inevitable in war, but I wanted to control how I was deactivated so that I either did so after deactivating Megatron or did so with honour and integrity in light of how the Autobots viewed me. These were the cases when I challenged Galvatron, as Megatron had been known after our Minicons powerlinxed with us, for the last time. This last battle was my last trial with him. I don't regret anything I've done and I gave it my all in fighting him. But it was never enough. Nothing I did was enough for him. No matter how many battles I'd fought, win or lose, he always found faults even if they were nonexistent.

My trials have ended with me having sacrificed myself to open Galvatron's optics to the fact Unicron existed and that the only way to defeat Unicron was by combining forces with the Autobots. I paid the ultimate price and sentenced myself to deactivation in the process.
seekasiseek: (Starscream - Super mode watching.)
As Starscream stood on the battlefield opposite Galvatron, he kept thinking about what he was doing and what it had meant to him to gain peace for the universe from Unicron. The planet-sized menace was awakening thanks to Sideways and Thrust's treachery but it wasn't too late to make the Decepticon leader see that joining forces with the Autobots was the only way they would achieve any victory over their new adversary. But in all of the fighting, he couldn't help but think of how much faith and trust the children, especially Alexis, had placed in him. Alexis had been willing to trust him from the very beginning, when he sought refuge with the Autobots and never seemed to let it waiver even when he returned to the Decepticons.

He had never had anyone trust him like that before. Trust was an illusion with the Decepticons, always an illusion for others to stab him in the back or deactivate him for their own gains. He fought long and hard to keep one step ahead of the others and even when Thrust tried to get him deactivated time and again, he never knew true friendship or respect. Then when the children had made the chamois for him, he almost couldn't believe they had done something for him without asking for anything in return. The children had asked for a rock from Mars from Jetfire, but it was Starscream who had come through for them. He didn't fully intend to do so, but he did it for them anyway. The children weren't like the Autobots or Decepticons. They didn't seem to even care that he was a Decepticon, only that he could help fight Megatron, who became Galvatron, and bring an end to the war over the Minicons.

His Spark ached when he had to betray them. It was the only thing he could do to gain vengeance, or so he thought, and he needed to prove himself that he could defeat Megatron. But even when he was accepted back into the Decepticon fold, he couldn't stop thinking about how the children affected him and showed him kindness when he didn't deserve it.

"Thank you, children... Thank you for what you had done for me."
seekasiseek: (Starscream - Enraged.)
The then red, black and white Seeker stood in the clear open of the landscape of the Earth's moon, light glistening off his armor and wing-sword. He had been ridiculed by Megatron for his inadequacies again. It wasn't his fault Megatron wasn't fit to lead the Decepticons and never gave Cyclonus, Demolishor or Starscream orders on how to work together rather than against each other. There was almost no point for him to remain there in the team Megatron assembled, but the trip back to Cybertron would take more out of him than it would have been worth it and he didn't want to hear Thundercracker or Skywarp mocking him for returning alone.

Swift and flawless movements came as he slashed at the airless space before him with his sword. If it weren't that Megatron had the Star Saber sword, Starscream could have easily have given him a run for his money. But as he kept moving with the sword techniques, he thought more over Optimus Prime and how the Autobot leader treated his mechs. Equality, respect, trust, these things were among a few that he craved. Respect above all else was his desire. He tried so hard to gain respect from Megatron for the battles he'd fought, but none of it was ever good enough for the leader. All Megatron ever seemed to want was universal domination and nothing else even seemed to matter much. Even Sideways was able to mess around with Starscream and the others when Megatron wasn't watching.

A slash through the space in front of him came as a growl vibrated his throat while he narrowed his optics. He didn't need Megatron. He would steal the Sky Boom shield from the Autobots and the Star Saber sword from Megatron yet. Then where would the two factions be with just the Requiem Blaster?

He couldn't wait to find out.
Page generated Oct. 23rd, 2017 05:59 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios